Working and running a business, being replaceable, how small impacts of kindness can make a big difference and superheroes.
This is what I’ve learned on women, a podcast for creatives, business owners and quiet rebels. I’m your host, Claire Coupland, certified coach specializing in helping women find their inner rebel and live life on their terms.
Each episode will share stories and empower and support each other.
This is episode six. This week, I have got the lovely Elle of the Ecommerce Assistant joining me on the podcast. And we have a really lovely conversation about lots of things, women’s roles in society, advice around, you know how to enjoy work or find things you enjoy in order to make work less of a job. And we also talk about superheroes, Lord of the Rings, and quite anatomy. So I really hope you enjoy it.
Hi, Elle. Welcome. Hi, Claire.
Thanks for having me.
You’re very welcome. It’s lovely to have you. We met online via Instagram. We were just talking about this in the pre chat where we and I’ve kind of said I kind of stalked you and just asked you on the podcast.
Internet friends all the way.
Totally. So you want to tell everyone a little bit about what you do?
Yes, I’m Elle and I help small business owners to basically sell more online with their online shop. So I specifically work with Shopify websites, and Klaviyo email marketing. But I’m from sort of a general e commerce background. So lots of other things always pop up. And you know, when we’re working on those particular things. And yes, just love everything. love what I do love helping small businesses, like show up online and sell more online and really feel like confident doing it. Because I think a lot of the time, a website can be that scary tech thing that you know they need absolutely need it. But it can be really tricky for them to like get started or like get to that next level. So yeah, I love to help them to get there. Yeah, absolutely.
I meet so many people that are either they’ve got one set that they love, or that they don’t love, but they’re also a bit scared of how to sell as well. So like that those methods that we’re talking about are really helpful, I’m sure. Oh, definitely. There’s
like a mindset thing with really specifically email marketing, actually, of like, I don’t want to sell and it’s like, just reframing that to be like, actually, you’re helping people like you’ll think of it as customer service. Think of it as like just showing what you can give these people like what you offer. That can be a huge change for people. Right? Yeah, it’s great to help people get there.
Absolutely. I was just having a little stalk on your Instagram before we got together on the call. And there’s a couple of posts that are really great I really loved about changing the color of your buttons. I thought that was a really powerful post. Yeah,
it’s it’s funny what people think makes a huge difference. So I get it, because it’s like, actually, if it’s the easy stuff sometimes like, oh, I’ll just turn it over here. And I’ll make more sales. But it’s just I usually say to people, it’s like, it’s not ever one big thing. It’s like 1000 little things. And I guess that’s what can be so difficult and overwhelming for people like to actually go well, what do I change? And where do I start? Because actually changing the color of your button is just so easy. So yeah, I love that post actually.
Lovely. Should we get into the questions? Secondly, it’s the first one is what’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
I have two Well, I have one I have work, one that I thought I’d go with. Because obviously, we’ve all been given so much advice in our lives at different times. I mean, this one actually has really stuck with me in terms of work. So I think it’s not advice and it’s more of a quote, but it’s basically that everyone is replaceable. So very early on in my working life, I don’t know if someone said this to me, or I read it, but it’s really stayed with me. And it’s really helped me like, when I’ve left jobs, like moved on, maybe it’s been my choice, maybe it’s not been my choice. Or maybe when people are having difficult times in their job. It’s just that knowing that everyone is replaceable, that it’s like it’s not personal, basically, like, even like CEOs can be replaced, can’t they in big companies. So like every it’s not that it’s you it’s that sometimes it’s just your time to move on or you’re not the right fit for the business anymore. And that’s just really helped me like not take things personally to like not wear my heart on my sleeve too much. Maybe it made me a bit tougher, which I think isn’t a bad thing perhaps because, you know, jobs change, people change and it’s like, just made me realize that it’s okay, it’s okay to like change and move on. And I often like to tell other people that because I think it’s just, it just takes that emotion out of those difficult situations when it comes to jobs, because, you know, we all spend so much time working, that it’s important to not get too emotionally attached and to feel like you know, there’s other things to life, you know, it’s not just about work. So yeah, that’s something that’s really helped me in my sort of working life.
Nice. I really like that because it does as you say that that that kind of feeling of I’m replaceable. We’ll makes it a lot less precious. I can think of scenarios where something has happened at work, or something’s happened with a client, and it feels really big. But actually, if you can take it back, you can take that power out of the situation,
I guess it’s can relate to like it was more for my employed life, I suppose. But I can see how it relates to, you know, self employment as well, because not in a nasty way. But like clients are replaceable. I think sometimes as a service businesses, we think, if I lose that client, I’m done. And actually, usually, when that happens, there’s something else out there for us or somebody else pops up and and you’re then available sort of to take it to actually I think it’s actually a really good way of just working working in employed or self employed life.
Yeah, definitely. And also, it gives you the power to say no, because I don’t know about you, if you’ve sometimes you meet people, and you just feel like the fits just not gonna work. Nothing wrong. There’s no problem, but it just feels wrong. And sometimes I’ve said yes to those clients, and exactly what you’d expect happens, does dynamic doesn’t work, something breaks down, it’s not quite right, whatever, you know, the end result is usually fine. But the working process can be quite difficult. So I suppose it also gives you the power to say, No,
I’ve Yeah, I think that takes time to learn as well. When you’re self employed like to that you can say no, even just being able to say no to things in and like say in a nice way, in an amicable way. Like it’s sometimes you get that like funny feeling and actually really happy to listen to those bad not bad vibes necessarily. But like, for I’m not quite sure about this. Like, you have to really, really, really trust yourself that there’s a reason you think that’s not quite right. I’ve definitely learned that within the last sort of 18 months, probably.
Yeah, definitely. And it’s such a valuable lesson to learn because it saves so much heartache.
Yeah, and time.
Definitely. So how have you changed over the last 10 years?
Well, massively. So to be honest, this is one that I was thinking about this on a lot, because I don’t think we often reflect in that massive way. Like sometimes I think about, you know, when my first daughter was born, which is six years ago, and I think, oh my gosh, like, how has it been that long? Or like how long we’ve lived somewhere, but I don’t think we ever take the time to really sit in advance was really nice to have have that question and think about it. But yeah, like, possibly the most amount of change apart from like childhood, obviously, we changed hugely like I was 10 years ago, I was only 23. So I was in those sort of Post University like working in London and living in London, no kids, no massive responsibilities, I suppose. And now, I have two kids and a mortgage and a husband and I work for myself, like, like immeasurably change, to be honest. And I think I’m in the part of my life. And I think you know, many people I know in real life and from Instagram as well, where it’s like, it’s so busy, there’s so much going on. The kids take up so much time, I don’t feel like there’s much time for me. And perhaps I sometimes miss those days of being able to literally walk out the house and go and do whatever I want. Like I that definitely doesn’t happen anymore. And sometimes I miss it. But actually, I think all that change that has happened is just actually it’s really great. Because it’s like made me probably a better person I have like so much going on, but in a good way. Like I actually think sometimes when I think I’m so busy, I just have to think I’m so actually grateful for all the busy stuff that is going on. Because it’s like all lovely, isn’t it? Like my little kids and my husband and my house and my home? It’s like, actually, that’s really nice things to have. I’m very grateful for them. And I wonder what I thought 10 years ago where I’d be, you know, I don’t think I thought that far ahead in my early 20s. So I hope Yeah, I do feel proud of myself, I suppose I feel like, we don’t take that time to go, I’ve actually accomplished quite a lot. You know, in the last sort of 10 years. Like I say it’s been quite huge, I would say the last 10 years for me.
Yeah, we definitely don’t I think it’s really rare that we reflect on such large passages of time. And I think everyone changes so much in 10 years, it’s such a long period of time, and especially when you go from that sort of early or mid 20s to mid or early 30s That’s a big change, isn’t it?
It’s like all the big things have happened. And there was a point where like, they were all happening at once. Like, we got married like I had my first child we got our first mortgage, like you know, those are huge things but they I think for a lot of people whenever it is they do seem to happen very quickly. So you like you say you don’t reflect and go oh, wow, we just did that we just got married or we just got a mortgage. Like these are huge things. But they’ve always just like they’ve just happened so fast. Like you like I said, I just haven’t ever really stopped and gone. Gosh, you know, it’s been 10 years actually it was 10 years ago since we left London so you know, it’s just mad is actually just mad the stuff that’s happened. But yeah, it’s awesome as well. It’s great.
So who is a woman that has inspired you and why?
Again, I’ve been thinking about this one a lot. I love this question. I mean this the obvious people like my mother and my, my grandma, because she’s a huge part of our lives my only grandma. But I actually think they’re like, obvious, you know, everyone’s impacted by their, like mothers and their grandmothers. But I think for me, it was actually some teachers at school, and I probably can’t even actually name them now because obviously, I’ve forgotten. But there was a couple of teachers that were women. One was an English teacher in sort of year six, seven, that time when you’re sort of changing from your little kid into I guess, like a teen. And I loved English at school. And I love writing, I love writing poetry, I love writing stories. And she I just remember her being just super nice and just super, like encouraging and supportive. And then when I got to secondary school, like in two year, GCSE sort of level, there was another English teacher, again, I can’t remember her name, and I do apologize. But I remember her saying to me that, oh, you’re going to be really successful, or you’re going to get you’re going to do great things basically, like literally just one time, one sentence. And honestly, I have always held on to that, like, oh, but that teacher said, That’s why almost partly have to live up to it, her expectation, but also just that positivity. And you know, they were two wonderful, I had lots of wonderful teachers, but they were two wonderful teachers that really helped me and saw that I had an interest and maybe a talent in something and like really believed in me. And I just am really thankful for that to be honest. Because I often, you know, think about stuff like that the one that said, you know, you’re going to do well, it’s like that positive affirmation has kind of pushed me ahead, I think in, in work, particularly in life as well. So yeah, kind of maybe two in feels like insignificant, but I think actually, are they not the most important sometimes those little moments?
Absolutely. What a wonderful thing for a teacher to say to sort of impressionable students. Yeah, so lovely. And I can imagine as that teacher, if you ever knew that I used to be teacher can imagine as a TA a long time ago, but if you ever found out the impact that it had, it could be so powerful, because it was probably a really obvious observation. And you know, they saw you doing well and thought you will continue to do well, yeah, but had a big impact.
Yeah. And I guess it probably was quite off the cuff. And obviously, it’s like a teacher’s job to teach and encourage, but like, I just think sometimes you get that real connection with certain people in life, and especially teachers, like we’re in school such a long time. And I, I have two daughters now. And if if a teacher says I can see actually with my daughter that’s at school, I can see when she gets like a positive comment. Not that we can always be positive, like I’m obviously fine with having negativity, but you can see how much it affects her, like, even her whole week could change because of like, one thing the teacher said in terms of like, Oh, you did a great job, but you really tried hard or you’ve read, you know, it’s so it really transforms how we go about our week in our day, and actually yet our maybe our lives as well.
Yeah, really, and even just as you and I, if someone’s nice to you in the street, or says something nice to you, generally can have such a big impact on the week, you know, just one compliment or one nice thing can be just really powerful. So it’s maybe a nice thing to take away that you could do that for somebody else as well.
yeah, definitely. Like even just, yeah, like saying nice things, helping people out like I do, definitely try and do that more. I think I try and do that most kids, I don’t know if it’s really to be just a bit more patient perhaps, and a bit more, maybe kind as well. And just to be like, you know, help someone out if they’re struggling in the street, like you say, and actually it can transform their day, or just put them on that sort of positive. I just, I’m very I’m very positive person. So I think, you know, if I can help other people, you know, by some small little act of kindness, yeah. It’s pretty important, isn’t it?
Yeah, definitely. And it has that forward effect as well. Doesn’t it away. If you made their day better, then they might afford it. So what else? Is there better? Yeah. Yeah. Nice.
Okay, do you have a favorite quote or saying
a tricky one, I guess because I’m in the part of my life with little kids. And I’m, this one’s a bit controversial, because I know some people hate this thing. But I really found thinking of the saying this too, shall pass really helped me when, like my youngest daughter’s only one and a half an hour. So like, fairly recently, it’s helped me get through those really tough sort of baby days of like, they’re crying constantly, or you don’t know what to do, how to get into sleep or feedings going really difficult, or whatever it is. It’s like, these moments are really fleeting, actually. And maybe, you know, looking back even just now like we’ve been talking over a decade or five years or whatever it’s like, those moments were nothing. They were actually fleeting and tiny and not insignificant at all, but they didn’t last long. But I think when you’re in those moments, and it can relate to work and family and all sorts of things, can’t it like when we’re going through difficult times, it honestly sometimes feels like it’s crushing you. And it’s going to be it’s so bad. So I think I know people will find that saying, Yeah, contentious, but I have found the positive in it in terms of something is around the corner, whether that’s the baby days, you get past that newborn time, or like school feels a lot with my eldest and I’m like, well, then we’ll be in the summer, it’d be a bit more relaxed, like whatever it is, I just, I do think of it often. And I think it does help get past those difficult moments for me.
Yeah, I totally agree. I actually really like it as I’m in the same ship with you. Yeah, I think it’s really powerful. Because you can be in the moment. So it was really difficult. And you know, if I think about it from any perspective, but it came to me, as a work perspective, sometimes you’ve got a lot on, you’ve got a project to finish or something, and you feel overwhelmed or overworked. And that saying can be so powerful, because you know that, you know, in a couple of weeks, that’s going to be over and there’ll be something else to think about, I’m sure.
well even like, sometimes it isn’t weeks, it’s months or even years, like you know, the special thing about the kids like that that was last year is a new way, like things are always changing. And but then also, it’s like we’ve said at the beginning, it’s like stopping and reflecting and looking back, because the change sort of happens right in front of you, but you can’t always see it. So it’s like just Yeah, feeling like things will get better things will change, whether that’s business or work or life, whatever it is, it’s like there’s positivity around the corner. Maybe that’s what it is. And like I said, I am a very positive person. So it helps me stay positive. I don’t see the negative in it, which I think some people often do. So yeah. Yeah,
I’ve never thought about it like that. But I suppose you’re right. Can we have that feeling of getting through things? Yeah, I seems but yeah, live in the moment, obviously, I totally agree with that. But also, that you can look a little bit ahead. Like, we all like to look at things. So maybe it’s like a holiday, it’s lovely to like, be like, Oh, I’m so excited about that. You know, I I’m quite like that. I do like to think about the things that are coming up. And but it’s okay to do that as well. It’s like, you know, live in the moment, you can do both?
Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Love that.
So, in your opinion, what are some of the biggest challenges that women face today? And what could we do to overcome them?
I think, I think it’s probably something everyone’s thought about and talked about a lot is like, basically being a working mother. I often think, well, I say to my grandma, actually, that it was easier for her and she tells me off because it he says it wasn’t easier for her. And I’m not saying it’s ever easier in any decade for people. But I just think right now what we’re living through is like, we’re women were able to work great. Like, that’s not a bad thing. But also, I feel like, we’re also mothers, a lot of us and we’re still expected to be like a full time mother and potentially a more fine employee or work or whatever you want to call yourself. And, and home maker, and all the other roles that like we’ve had over the past, it’s not like those stops, and we started to work, it’s just that they’ve all been mashed into this one thing that we’re supposed to be and personally, I find that really, really hard. And I’m sure other people do as well. And you know, childcare, you know, all these things that are happening in society, the cost of childcare, like work flexible working, like It all affects, I feel like it all disproportionately affects mothers and women. Because, you know, today, my daughter’s with my mom. So it’s, you know, actually the women in my life are still working, even if they’re not officially working, because they’re now caregivers to my children. And that, you know, that is affected by things like the cost of childcare, and the fact that I can only work so much and then I’ve got to also, you know, cook and clean and I feel like we often are told it’s great, and we should be really grateful that we’re working like it’s we’re working mother it’s great. It’s like actually sometimes it’s really hard to do both things, because we want to do them 100% But we can’t How can we do them? 100% Because we’re not in it 100% Are we
No not at all and that kind of myth of we can have it all which is really really popular and still talked about, I think is it can be quite I don’t want to say like damaging but it can be quite difficult because you’ve got these expectations put upon you and possibly put them on yourself that yes, I can have it or I can do it all. But sometimes I think Do we really want it or we Yeah, I’ll be allowed to say that like, yeah, it was like, we even now in 2023. It’s like, we must be grateful for the opportunity to work. But actually, sometimes I think, gosh, maybe it would be easier if I didn’t work, and then wasn’t an expectation of society for us to work like, would that be easier? Like, I don’t know, it’s impossible now, because pretty much every household needs dual income, but sometimes you do, your mind just goes off and wonders like, what would it have been? Like? What would it be like if I was a 1950s? Housewife? Like, I don’t really want to go back to that period or that time period into? It’s like, I don’t know, sometimes I just think, but then I think did what did women then think? Did they probably thought, oh, it’s better than it was for my mother’s generation in like the 20s, or the 30s. You know, actually, we’ve probably always all think back to our mother’s generation and our grandmothers and, and we compare and contrast, and, you know, we all probably say to each other, I had it worse, I had it better. Like there’s always going to be that dynamic, isn’t that? Yeah, definitely.
Yeah. And the grass is always greener. There’s phrases that’s common for a reason, you know, we always think, you know, even if we’re looking at somebody else, and the different life and different choices, we’re thinking, Oh, it must be easy. I wonder what that’s like, but they’re probably thinking that about as as well. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.
So do you have an ultimate life tip or hack?
Yes, I do, actually, for this one I haven’t prepared. So my is linked to being a working mother. And you know, all these things, I suppose. But I actually did it a very long time ago, it’s my hack is to turn all notifications off your phone, and have your phone on silent. Obviously, phones are such a big part of our lives. And I think I’m thinking about it more, as I see my daughters grow. And I think, Oh, my God, they’re gonna need a phone one day, and it does scare me to be honest. So I’m always thinking, Oh, how can I be on my phone less? Like, we’re all actually we’re all addicted to our phones, like, you know, even if you say you’re not who you are. So, a very long time ago, I put my phone on silent and I never really I only take it off silent. If I know I’m waiting on a call or someone needs to answer it. So literally, it’s on it doesn’t ring it doesn’t vibrate. And I don’t have notifications from Instagram and emails, I can go into my emails and look, but it’s obviously you have to like, take that action, you have to actually do it. And I just think it helps. I’m still not fully present. Like I I’m not perfect at all. But I think it just helps me be a little bit more present and not be like, Oh, the phone’s pings. I must look at it because it’s it goes off. We want to look at it right. Like it’s kind of impossible to ignore. So I just think it’s helped me not get that, like pulled out of that moment. So much. And like I said, I still I still do look at it, because you know, I want to see if there’s anything on there. But having no notifications, I think definitely helps. It’s a bit of a hack for me.
Yeah, I think that’s a really good one. Actually, I think I have my phone on silent, but I don’t I have like, you can do that thing where you get notifications every four hours or something or window. But I think I might take that off as well. Because I’m the same I kind of can’t help myself from looking and yeah, I think it’s a really good idea. I think we’re all so addicted to it. You’re totally right. We’re also to to our phones. And even though you try not to you know, the weekend I was I’m not gonna go on Instagram all weekend.
But I definitely failed.
I did say, I think I went on about five times, which is much better than normal. But I found myself going in and he said you weren’t gonna
be subconscious, right? Like, this is why it’s so hard to like, break that habit, I think because it’s like, it’s in the pile of subconscious habits. Like I bite my nails, and I hate it. but honest to god, it’s subconscious. I do not know why I’m doing it. It’s such a bad habit. But it’s so hard to break because I’m like, when do I When do I sit and do that? Because I’m so unaware of it. And I think it’s exactly the same with our phones, Instagram, whatever it is that you’re, you know, you’re kind of addicted to on the phone. It’s the same thing. It’s like, oh my gosh, how did I kind of get here? How did I get scrolling again? Because yeah, I had every intention of doing the same this weekend and I did fail but like you said, I went on it less. So that’s that’s progress, right? Yeah, totally.
Okay, so what advice would you give to women who are just starting out and would like to make an impact?
I guess I should think of my daughters although they’re a bit far from starting their working life but I think I think definitely do what makes you happy because I think a lot of people get like stuck in jobs that they’re not really don’t really like maybe they think they have to do Do what they think they have to work up the corporate ladder in a certain way, like I’m not from a corporate background at all have always worked for small businesses, which has been wonderful. But even in those, it’s felt like, Oh, I must get this promotion, I must try and reach that level of job. And I must do these things. And actually, everyone’s career. And working life is not in a straight trajectory, it goes up and down. There’s, there’s sometimes more important things, and that’s okay, as well, like, you know, when you take time out to have children, or if you want to go traveling, like whatever it is, it’s absolutely fine. I don’t think I think if people can just see it as more of a, like a learning curve, I suppose. Like, you know, we get asked it, you know, yeah, I can’t remember what age we are 1615, something like that, like, what do you want to do? And what, you know, we have this careers advice. I don’t even know if they still do that. Yeah, I’m thinking of my childhood. You know, what do you want to study at university? And it’s like, I don’t know, like, how do you know what you want to do? Like, it’s such a big thing to ask people to, to guess I suppose, like, you might know what you like doing? I think focusing on that is probably the best thing. Like, what do you like doing? What do you feel like you’re good at, and then going with that, but also going? Well, if you study something, a unit doesn’t have to be what your job is, you know, for your life, I think, I think seeing it as not lifelong as well. It’s a big thing for me, like, I never saw it as like, I’m going to do this One job forever. Like, I’ve always thought, I’ll just see what happens and like what I like, and I would encourage other young women to do the same, like do something you love at uni, if that’s your path. But also go out and work. That’s fine, too. You know, like, go and find in the workplace what you like and be be. I remember, like thinking you had to have a job for like, two years, or it would look bad. I don’t know if you’ve ever had I don’t know if that’s advice. We got one. Yeah, like, oh, it’s bad on your CV to have a job for less than two years. And I think that really stuck with me, like I must even if you start a job, and you really don’t feel like it’s a good fit, similar to what you said about a client, that’s not a good fit, it’s like, it’s actually okay to not carry on, like you is not, it doesn’t make you like a bad person or unemployable or, you know, it’s fine to just find your way in whatever way that is. It doesn’t have to be in a certain path. And you definitely don’t have to stay in a job you don’t like, that’s probably quite a lot of advice, actually.
That’s great. It’s great. It made me think when you’re talking about saying something, it made me think about the sunk cost fallacy where just because you’ve done something for a while, you don’t have to say doing it, or you know, just because just it actually relates to financial things. It’s I’ve spent so much money, you don’t need to keep spending the money, you can stop. And I think it’s really good advice, because so often we stay in jobs, or we do things that we’re not quite sure about, because we think we should like the two year thing. I totally and that’s I’m sure that was told to me as well. But I think it’s one of those urban myths.
I, I do wonder if it’s fun, like I think of it with like houses as well, like where you live was, you know, I felt like my grandmother’s and maybe my mother, mom and dad’s generation as well, it was like people stayed in homes so much longer, but my grandma still lives in the same house. So to move around is maybe still a fairly new thing. I have loads of places already. Like obviously, we go off to uni a lot. Now a lot of students decide to do that. So you’re moving away from your hometown, and then you might move somewhere else might go to London, like I did like that, that staying in one place doesn’t really happen. So maybe it was linked back to that when people often did stay in their hometown for in the same house for like 20/30 years. Like, because I just feel like it’s things have just changed so much.
Absolutely, yeah, they really have. And I do love the thing you said earlier about do what you love. Do you do what you like to do what you’re interested in, because I think that’s just really good advice. Because you’ll always be good at something you love. You’ll always get joy from it and it will never really feel like work. I mean, sometimes it will but
ultimate goal to do something that doesn’t feel like work. And like you say it’s still hard. It’s not that things aren’t hard, or I you know, I still get stressed for my job even though it’s I’ve created it and I can I can do what I like it’s still stressful. But yeah, I think if you love it, or like it or have joy from it, like you say, it’s going to make those difficult times less difficult, perhaps because you aren’t going to be thinking oh, well, I hate this. I mean, that’s the worst feeling in the world when you hate a job. You know, I think we’ve all been through that. It’s awful. Monday dread and all that it’s just the worst thing. Yeah, definitely.
And it just feels like you’re kind of you instead of looking forward to a holiday for instance, you’re actually just pinning everything on it and you’re like, I remember being in this situation and feel like I was dragging myself towards the other day. So yeah, and
then there’s the whether it’s a weekend or a holiday or whatever it’s like then you have to go back like how awful is that feeling? If you don’t like If you’re in a job you hate or a situation, that’s not great, it’s like that, that feeling is awful. And you also, if you’re aware you, I’ve had times where it’s like, from three days, you know, three or four days in, you’re already thinking about work like, oh, I don’t want to like, what horrible thing. I don’t want anyone to feel that.
No, that’s really good advice. So what’s the biggest lesson you’ve learnt?
Oh, my goodness. In life, I think having children has helped me learn that. That I think because you so you’re so then don’t worry about yourself. Basically, you basically stop caring. But in a really good way. I don’t mean like caring about your parents. I mean, like, you kind of get out of your own head. So I feel like I from having children, I have learned that it’s I just I’ve learned not to stress not to worry. Like, I’ve not been a massive worrier. But there’s been certain things that would stress me out. One, for example, is like traveling, literally going anywhere would make me stressed. So whether it’s flying or getting catching a train and being like driving somewhere, I would used to get quite anxious about it. And then we kind of have my first daughter and it just dissipated because it was like I had to focus on has she got all her things do we have the milk? Do we have the you know, all that stuff you go through in your head, that checklist of things that I never had time to like worry about myself and maybe my anxiety in terms of the traveling so I think that has been a huge I don’t know if it’s a lesson or just like a massive change of mindset or whatever. But maybe it’s having a distraction of a little child has just really helped me almost like chill out, I suppose as well. Like, I was definitely more highly strung before I had children. So it’s mellowed me. And I think that’s, that’s a really nice thing actually, to have happened. Obviously, lots, they can be very stressful having children don’t get me wrong, like there’s a lot more stresses in my life. But I feel like I’m more mellow. I’ve learned to be more mellow, maybe I’m just more like, I’m still super like, I still I love a routine. I’m quite organized. But it’s just allow me to kind of let go a little bit. And I think that’s a really positive thing like, for your whole life to be able to do. Yeah,
definitely that, that what you’re talking about, it was almost like, the priority shifted. And that helps you to kind of just change the way you think about something.
Yeah. And it helps everything and it means I can help. I feel like I can help like myself, I have a younger sister. And I can sort of say to her like, not that, oh, you’ll realize this when you have children. But like, I can sort of say I can help her like get out of that sort of head, you basically get in your own head, don’t you? And it’s just allow me to, like push past that and then help. Yeah, I can now see, I can always see clearer. It’s a terrible thing to say it sounds ridiculous. But like, it’s just helped me see past those things that I would get hung up on maybe or feel really anxious about and just be able to Yeah, like have that focus put elsewhere. It’s been a big mindset change for me.
That’s really nice to hear.
So how do you think you’ve seen women’s roles in society evolve during your lifetime?
I think quite a big change, actually. Because, I mean, I was born in the 90s. So things have changed quite a lot. I think when I look back at things like I quite like looking back at like history and politic politics and things that have happened at the time, obviously, I don’t remember it. But I think lots has gone on in our life in the sort of the 90s and 2000s. And obviously, up until now, and I think women, I think things even a bigger change has happened further back in history that again, I’m really interested in. But I think the working the working hours of women have that’s definitely had an impact since I was born for sure. My mum didn’t work when I was little, but then she did start to work when I was a little bit older. But I most a lot of mums didn’t work when I was at school. And now like I go up to the school gates, and I think it’s totally changed. I would say the majority of moms probably work at in some capacity now, whereas they did it when I was when I was at school. And I think I do even though, you know, I said earlier that you know, trying to be a working mother is really hard and there’s still the home and things and we still have bear so much responsibility, I think. I do think the balance has shifted. There is definitely you know, there’s more dads up at school. You know, men definitely take more ownership in the home do more jobs around the house, you know, like I feel like the balance I don’t always show the balance is completely 5050 Definitely not in my life. But I feel like that that the change actually for men is really be positive because that in turn has helped, like women. So I think I’ve seen that happen in my lifetime. Like, you know, my dad worked and my mom didn’t. But now my kids see us both working. Although my daughter did say to me the other day, that daddy’s work, and mommy’s don’t. And I’m like, where are you getting that from? Because I work like, I think she doesn’t think I work because I’m just at home. Obviously, working from home has changed things hugely. Obviously, more recent things is like working from home. I think that’s changed things maybe more for working dads, actually, the working moms because my Yeah, my husband is able to be here more, and see the girls more. So that’s I mean, that’s a huge people will definitely look back, you know, when we jump ahead 50 years, I think people will look at this time, like 2020 and onwards, it will be a huge, huge thing. Maybe children will learn about it at school and stuff.
Yeah, it’s really, as you were saying that about remote working, I was kind of thinking, Yeah, think about in their lifetime, your children’s lifetime, and what they’re going to think about working and what they’re going to think about their role because they can work from anywhere and do anything. I think by the time they’re old enough, most jobs will be able to be done remotely. I imagine so.
And that’s literally happening right in front of us, isn’t it? Like, that’s still happening in a way with like, working from home flexible, flexible, working the four day weeks, it’s obviously happening for some companies like trial runs, like, I feel like it’s a huge shift that actually is still happening, we’re actually living through that shift. So the change from like, yes, if I look back to my school days to now, which isn’t that long, it’s quite long isn’t that, you know, 20 plus years, that’s insane amount of change in terms of a dad going out to work was still the norm in the in the 90s and the early 2000s. And now, it’s definitely totally different. Like lots of men obviously do four day weeks, three day weeks, share the childcare like that. That’s great. I love that. We need more of that.
Absolutely. And I know some people who are you know, the mainly at home and the woman’s that kind of hasn’t that goes out to work or works and is the main breadwinner. And I think that’s really interesting as well. That’s totally shifted. Yeah. Nice.
Okay, so who is your favorite female character in a book, film or TV series?
This one’s hard because I love reading and I’ve always loved reading so when I was younger, like read, you know, Lord of the Rings when I was 13, or something, I was a big fantasy novel fan. And actually, I would read anything. And I think those sorts of books definitely influenced me because they you know, they have female characters that are strong, and some of them do fight and things and I loved that and, and then more recently, I love since I was in my teen years, I’ve loved all the Marvel films and again, okay, there’s more male superheroes and some of the female Yeah, there is a lot of talk about there’s not enough female, but there is female superheroes and I love I’ve always loved all that and resonated with that. And then even because I am the Harry Potter generation, even you know, Hermione Granger needs a shout out doesn’t she like she is a my daughter, like, we read Harry Potter now. And she can sort of connect with that character. And I just, yeah, I love reading. So there is probably loads more, but I do love books where there’s like a strong female character. And even recently, actually, I read lessons in chemistry, which I know a lot of people have read. And Elizabeth thought is such an amazing character. And I really, I think I loved reading that book because of her. If you haven’t read it, read it yet. I highly recommend it. She’s such a cool character, like really strong and feisty, and I definitely resonate with her. So that’s a that’s a more recent one that I’ve loved.
I’m gonna have to read it. I’ve seen so many people that read it. No, I love reading but I’ve seen so many people reading it, I’m going to take it. I’m going on holiday. And I think I might get it and take it on holiday. Oh,
I haven’t. I hadn’t read for so long. Because you know, you had kids don’t have time, you know, kept putting, and I used to be such an avid fast reader. And that was the book that got me back into reading because it was just so good. I loved it. And like I say, Elizabeth is not the current main character in it she I could just read a read about her to be honest, I want more of her. I know there is a TV series coming. So yeah, definitely read it first. Just like a strong female female role model for sure. Like it’s so good.
Amazing. I also love that you mentioned I’m a big Lord of the Rings fan and also a Marvel fan so I love that you mentioned it because it’s really you hear those like and with first person that came to mind when you said Lord of the Rings was collateral.
Oh yeah. Well and obviously the new series I don’t know if you’ve seen Rings of Power. Yeah. Love collateral and are weird and all the other. Yeah, like they are strong women like whether there’s like wizards or you know, elves and they fight like that definitely had an impact on me as a like a teen girl Like, I never saw it for like boys or anything because, you know, I think sometimes fantasy superheroes, all that sort of realm, we think. And actually, I just, I really just loved. I mean, I love to just like be in that world, for sure. But definitely there’s some real strong female characters throughout all those series.
eah, definitely. There’s some wonderful ones in all of those says a really great invention.
Like my geeky, yeah, my geeky fantasy Lord of the Rings. I just, I still love it. I’m gonna, I don’t think they’re quite old enough yet. It’s a bit scary for them.
But they’re gradebook. So that’s gonna
be the Hobbit, there’s less women in The Hobbit house. So that’s true.
Okay, so the last question, what have you learned from women?
Oh, my goodness, another huge question from nuclear. thing I’ve learned, too, to just basically do a lot I think I’ve learned from women, like I think as women, we take on a lot of things like, we’ve spoke about all the different roles, we sort of have in play if you like, and the responsibilities. And I think it’s I’ve learned, you know, along all the years, and all the women in my life to just like, kind of juggle it all. And like we’ve said, sometimes that gets too much. And that’s, you know, fine. But actually, I have learned that we, we can do a lot. As women, we actually are amazing. And we can, you know, organize a lot and control a lot and be in charge of a lot. And I think I have learned that but then also use that as like a superpower I suppose of like, even those days when it feels like too much. And I can’t be all these roles. I just kind of think, yes, I can. I’m a superhero. I’m going to just do it. Like, it sounds so silly. But I yeah, I think otherwise, the it does feel too much. It’s kind of like, again, coming back to that positivity. And that like, This too shall pass, you know, all that feeling of like, it’s just a moment, and I’m just going to try and own it, I suppose in the best way I possibly can.
That’s amazing. I really love it. And I love the idea of the superhero. Because I think that sometimes we need to feel like that, you know, sometimes there’s the the superhero pose. I mean, I used to watch Grey’s Anatomy, and they talk about it quite a lot. Yeah, it’s amazing. And I think that it does just even the mental vision of our superhero can help you get through so much,
perfectly. And it’s like, even, it’s just those difficult days rather than feeling down. And things are hard. And yeah, we accept that. That’s fine. But actually, yeah, like just power through super power through whatever. And just own own it as best you can. And yes, and feel all that power that you’ve got from the women in your life, like kind of like harness all that. I think that’s that’s what I try and do anyway. That’s amazing. I love it.
So where can people find you online?
So I hang around on Instagram quite a lot. So I’m at the ecommerce assistant. And yeah, always happy to chat in the DMS, obviously. And my website is the ecommerce system.com, which you can find me on as well if you want to ever work with me. But yeah, Instagram is kind of my place if you want to have more of a chat.
Lovely. Well, I’ll make sure those links are all in the show notes so people can find you easily. It’s been so lovely to chat to you.
Thanks, Claire. Thank you for joining me. You can find me over on Instagram at grow underscore with underscore Moxie, where you can email me at Taylor at Claire coupland.co.uk. I’m also on substack and moments of Moxie. The podcast will also be hosted over there as well as in all the other places that you can find it. Thank you for listening. And if you like this, please subscribe. Didn’t get the next episode strain your feet. I hope you’re having a really wonderful week. I’ll speak to you soon.